most days I feel apathetic, other days I feel like a crying mess. But in the end of all this I know I feel some sort of emotion, I feel something, I think people hide from their emotions by putting up emotional walls. And it is when we are all alone in solitude that we can break down and feel how bad we truly hurt.
I have hidden my emotions and feelings from people for a long time. I am guarded from people and relationships in the physical world. Yet this is odd in a sense of the fact I enjoy the physical touch of another person. I will explore this more in coming posts.
I digress and go back to the main point of this, and let you understand where this is coming from. This last week I have been in some pain from a boil coming up on my leg. Tuesday I decided to soak in the tub and draw it out. Side note the week before I was in a boat accident, this is for the next part. While I was soaking in the tub I started to wonder in my mind was this a boil or a blood clot. not having my computer near but a phone handy I made a call to someone with first hand experience. It did not help. I then called my mom she put it as did you look in to the symptoms bit. about that time I had made the decision to shower off and get on-line to see.
In my last few minutes before rising I had a conversation with another part of me from a different time. a time when I was more combative, egotistical, and just plain mean. this voice taunted me in my tears about a fear of death. it was so dark and cold in this area. Asking if “I still fear death”. In this raw emotional state that I realize it is not death I fear, as that’s what a man owes for his life and Sin. My wonder of a revelation, it is that knowing you are mortally wounded. wounded and knowing death may be near, but could still be some time.
What scared me was knowing that given some time left here. The thought of not loving again, or feeling the touch of another person. Made me question who and what I had become on the inside.
From this experience I have learned a new appreciation for Life and Love. These too will be further explored in a future posts.
So my question is this, In that deep dark place you don’t oft tread what is your greatest fear, and what did you learn from it?
I have been musing over the pledge for a few weeks now. The more I think about it the more the impact of its words hit me. and I feel that not everyone has felt this way.
For many years children and adults have said the pledge of allegiance. Most of us can recite this with little or no thought and do not always pay attention to what we are saying, as we have said it so many times in our life. I say lets look at this today.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
The words of this Pledge hold power when read. They hold conviction, or should when recited. you are pledging loyalty and fidelity to your country, government, and fellow citizens.
You are saying that you are fully for this county. you are for the government, and the people. You are proclaiming that this country will not split and we will have freedom and justice for all.
I think that once you get to actually know the pledge, and understand what it is asking of you. you will find a better love for your country.
hey I don’t believe in God, you may say. well it has really only been in recent years that “under God” has been in the pledge and it is optional under freedom of speech to have it in there. as for me I will keep it in my recital.
what are your thoughts on this?
Wow that is a harsh title, but it is true. I came to this title whiles putting next and previous annotations on some of my videos.I stopped doing this about 1/2 way through. I stopped because I realized that in social media you have to keep up with things and constantly evolve.
constant evolution and progression you should not always worry about some of your old media. while for other things you should make sure all things are updated and continue to move forward. I know that with my vlog I want as much connectedness as possible yet I doubt that many people as they come to my vlog will go back to the very first days i was vlogging.
as of this writing the former 22 or so days has been connected back and forth up to current. I did this so i could start keeping my annotations up to date and that it would be easier to go back and forth. I also did this to get a little more familiar with adding annotations and work flow.
Pesky Rabbits
Now back on point, you will not always do things right in social media the first round. it is learning how to move on from failure or up from the bottom. it is about trial and error, and error correction through mitigation. it is about knowing what to connect where to connect it and how to build and nurture the relationships that follow.
Social Media is a place for humans to do business with other humans. we are in an age where business has to be transparent to be trusted and for a human to be on the other end of the connection. in this era we are making new paths and new ways. we should also fully expect that those behind us will change the way they do business in there own time.
What is your thoughts?
This is not some reference to the passion week of Christ before his Crucifixion. No this is something you may hear through out the interwebs. That you have to find a passion and run after it.
This week has been an interesting one, Monday through Friday. Everyday I have found someone or something that reminded me about passion. And it has shaped my week and given me a new prospective on this subject.
Monday
It was raining and lo in behold some Mormons came rapping at my door. This just showed me how much passion that they put in there faith. And duty to the church and the call of Christ to “go forth and make disciples in all nations.”
Could you say you have that kind of passion to go out in the rain and do what you love?
Tuesday & Wednesday
I stayed home and was watching other peoples Vlogs. I saw there passion for just having a great time, or time with their family. All this started to influence my thoughts this week.
Are you willing to share your passion with your family?
Thursday
I did what I now refer to as my normal Thursday rut. But it is not a rut I go and volunteer and I enjoy helping others in need. It is one of my passions to help others be in a better place in life.
Does your passion help others? can you help others with your passion?
Friday
I started out the day strong and got my vlog up. and it is after posting my own that I watch others I subscribe to. In watching this morning I saw that t-rave.com‘s vlog was on passion (he also shouted me on this subject).
Can others see what you are passionate about through you?
the questions have been asked, what is your response?
Just so you know, my passions include God, computers, Linux, volunteering, family, and friends.
There are days in my life where I feel like a King with no crown, & no subjects. Sitting by my self in the throne all alone in this huge world, Ego-ed in what I can do. Most days I am humbled by what there is I still need to do, and learn to make my life better.
Constantly trying to move forward in this journey, and not slack-off , striving to make this (what ever this is) work. trying not to reinvent myself but better who I am, and help other people while doing it. This is what I am wanting to be about.
The question I always ask myself is “What do I want to do the rest of my existence?” Here as of late I have made actions to get back to my writing, and my art. hoping that one will bring some epiphany of what I want to do the rest of my life. Thinking that maybe then I will find my passion, and my purpose.From this I will push forward to know more and do better.
Most of all I write to find my soul in this outer shell. I paint, color, and sketch to understand my world better. Doing both of these things to communicate the constant living in some form of pain or another. maybe that is just the first clue to where i am going.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIX79JxQfbc
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXKIf29WsAs
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dchL6ziu7w
Everyone makes a goal or resolution for there birthday, but it was not till after mine that I really decided it was time to set a few in my own life. I state these here so that I feel I have a little more accountability. a few of my Goals I have already started on the road to getting them done.
- read the entire bible in 1 year
- Pay-off my Line of credit
- vlog 365 days in-a-row
- Learning PHP
- writing my first twitter app
- turning an old laptop into a digi-frame
- lose 40 lb.s
- cessation of smoking
They are not many and some rely on other things to be complete first but I think this will be a great year and I have a lot of high hopes. This space on the web is where I will keep track of my progress on some of these, others may be documented else where.
peace
ecko
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geCnxWid4jI